Movies that make me cry.

It used to be A Walk to Remember… now … A Man Called Otto…

There is something about the relationship between him and Marisol that feels familiar. Maybe has an essence of what I had hoped to be for Uncle.

Even though I knew what was going to happen it was like I watched it for the first time again.

There is despair in the ending a heart wrenching sadness but also a hint of gratefulness. A thankfulness that she loved him. She chose him- over and over and over.

Sitting on opposite sides of the couch from Ben’s curled up body tucked under the Pottery Barn blanket both of us quietly letting tears trail down our cheeks. Until, they start falling and I see out of the corner of my eye him reajusting, using the movement to wipe his eyes. My breath is deep and full yet stretches a soreness in the empty space between my ribs. Emptiness..

Seeing my grandparents take their last breath. Deep sadness for their physical absence from my life. Maybe it feels like the ultimate abandonment at times. I wanted them to see me do so many more things. I wish I would have started earlier, I wish I would have accomplished more. I wanted them to meet my children (if I decide to have them). I wanted them to be at my wedding. I wanted them to meet my dog. See me on stage one last time.

And there is a hint of what is the point if they aren’t here to see it…

and the whole purpose of the movie I think is importance to keep living even after we experience loss. Yet, I still feel like I am in mourning.

With the upcoming birthday…

I miss them…

Tears gently nestle themselves in the base of my lash line. With the fan blowing you wouldn’t be able to tell they were brought to the surface due to an emotional recall.

Keep watching movies that make you cry. It’s important. I can feel but I won’t be chained by that feeling for forever. Even if it lingers in the back ground. Let it linger.