maybe i was hoping this would be the answer I have been looking for in my creative life

that everything would line up and i would feel like “ah, thats where i belong.”

and I feel nothing actually

not good or bad

not that i belong or don’t fit

and it makes me feel unsettled

I want to belong somewhere that feels recognizable

somewhere that from the outside i am proud of and at the same time it felt good doing

and it felt like nothing

I didn’t feel emotional watching it back

i didn’t feel connected to the character’s arch

it just felt like nothing

even 4 white claws later nothing

and I think i feel puzzled at the emptiness

shouldnt i feel an opinion

shouldnt i feel self concious or proud

shouldn’t I FEEL SOMETHING

maybe tomorrow

tommorrow is today

today is yesterdays tomorrow

maybe i’ll feel something today

these are the moments where I feel an urge to carve

like i need to feel something

something

SOME

THING

ANY

THING

but there is nothing

and i don’t act on it because it wont change the nothing-ness